Wednesday, October 16, 2013

One Word - Month 9


I know I missed posting about my One Word again last month. I have to say that even I underestimated the amount of the time that was going to be spent once we officially started schooling. Some of it is spent necessarily, and some of it is spent because of stubborn children (we're working on that one though). This brought a few areas that I really need to work on to the fore front!  These include prioritizing my time, dealing with my OCD perfectionism, and providing a hospitable environment. You may wonder what these have to do with my one word...Love, but each of them is something that stresses me out, and stress = frustration and lack of patience on my part. So I figure decreasing stress is the key to maintaining me and my families sanity!

Time, there is never enough time! Especially since starting school. Trying to maintain records and make sure we are fulfilling requirements, dealing with kids that make everything take 2-3 times as long as it needs to some days, and adding in the extra curricular activities that started up around the time that school did has left my free time in the red. No big deal except it also cut into my cleaning time, my blogging time, my planning time, and any other time I used to have! I feel pressure (all self induced) to complete everything I have always done, and it isn't happening! I get frustrated and cranky with those around me because of it.

My perfectionist attitude falls victim to the same thing, although this one I have been working on for years! Still I held on to some of it. Thinking I could still maintain so things in perfect order. With 3 cats, 3 kids (schooling 2 of them), and a husband now working at home, well, it's pretty much a big joke! There is no way I could maintain things the way I want without a full time housekeeper! But still I push it, staying up even later then normal or waking up earlier, driving everyone crazy, in an attempt to make it my version of right.

The perfectionism card plays into my hospitality issues. I was taught (probably unknowingly) that things need to look perfect in order to have company. Honestly, I was taught things needs to look perfect period even though I don't think that was ever my mother's intention. Last month we had a couple weeks when there were people here frequently, and I was determined to be a gracious hostess. However in what I thought were attempts to be a good hostess, I found that I was a bit more hostile then hospitable to the people already living here.

None of these reactions are loving for my family or really for myself. So I am trying to let go of some things. I know it will take some time, but if I am intentional I know that decreasing my stress level can lead to a much happier environment.  This all starts with a realization that my environment doesn't define me. Knowing that allows me to relax a little, but then realizing that doing things because I have some unsubstantiated fear of them being undone is not a healthy attitude.  I need to be joyful and intentional in all I do! It is going to take a while to get there I know, but I am hopeful that the end result will be more time to spend in a loving relationship with my family. So to those who visit my house, or those who visit my blog, please excuse the mess!