One Word - Month 9

I know I missed posting about my One Word again last month. I have to say that even I underestimated the amount of the time that was going to be spent once we officially started schooling. Some of it is spent necessarily, and some of it is spent because of stubborn children (we're working on that one though). This brought a few areas that I really need to work on to the fore front!  These include prioritizing my time, dealing with my OCD perfectionism, and providing a hospitable environment. You may wonder what these have to do with my one word...Love, but each of them is something that stresses me out, and stress = frustration and lack of patience on my part. So I figure decreasing stress is the key to maintaining me and my families sanity!

Time, there is never enough time! Especially since starting school. Trying to maintain records and make sure we are fulfilling requirements, dealing with kids that make everything take 2-3 times as long as it needs to some days, and adding in the extra curricular activities that started up around the time that school did has left my free time in the red. No big deal except it also cut into my cleaning time, my blogging time, my planning time, and any other time I used to have! I feel pressure (all self induced) to complete everything I have always done, and it isn't happening! I get frustrated and cranky with those around me because of it.

My perfectionist attitude falls victim to the same thing, although this one I have been working on for years! Still I held on to some of it. Thinking I could still maintain so things in perfect order. With 3 cats, 3 kids (schooling 2 of them), and a husband now working at home, well, it's pretty much a big joke! There is no way I could maintain things the way I want without a full time housekeeper! But still I push it, staying up even later then normal or waking up earlier, driving everyone crazy, in an attempt to make it my version of right.

The perfectionism card plays into my hospitality issues. I was taught (probably unknowingly) that things need to look perfect in order to have company. Honestly, I was taught things needs to look perfect period even though I don't think that was ever my mother's intention. Last month we had a couple weeks when there were people here frequently, and I was determined to be a gracious hostess. However in what I thought were attempts to be a good hostess, I found that I was a bit more hostile then hospitable to the people already living here.

None of these reactions are loving for my family or really for myself. So I am trying to let go of some things. I know it will take some time, but if I am intentional I know that decreasing my stress level can lead to a much happier environment.  This all starts with a realization that my environment doesn't define me. Knowing that allows me to relax a little, but then realizing that doing things because I have some unsubstantiated fear of them being undone is not a healthy attitude.  I need to be joyful and intentional in all I do! It is going to take a while to get there I know, but I am hopeful that the end result will be more time to spend in a loving relationship with my family. So to those who visit my house, or those who visit my blog, please excuse the mess!

One Word 2013 - Month 6

If you have been following my One Word Journey this year you probably realized I didn't post last month. Things got hectic, and while I wanted to introduce a new tool I found, I didn't get a chance to write the post. If you haven't been following along and want some background, you can read previous posts here:

One Word 2013 - Love
One Word 2013 - Month 1
One Word 2013 - Month 2
One Word 2013 - Month 3
One Word 2013 - Month 4

So to start with I want to tell you what I have been working on the past couple months. Since realizing that I do not give enough of my "good" self to those I love due to busyness, stress, or just plain selfishness, I have been trying to be more intentional with my words and actions. For me, a big part of this is to control my temper and my words. I'm a yeller.  When I get angry, I yell. (generally followed by crying if I am really, really angry).  More then anything, it is out of frustration, but it is unnecessary and usually leaves everyone (especially me) upset.  Back at the beginning of May a fellow blogger introduced me The Orange Rhino.

The Orange Rhino is a blog written by another self proclaimed yeller who is using the color orange to remind her not to yell. She has been doing this successfully for over a year. While my goals are not that lofty right now; I am trying to use the color orange as a reminder to myself. It could be my clothes that are orange, my kids clothes that are orange, or even my toenails that are orange; luckily I like orange!

In order to do this with any success, I had to start thinking about why I yell. I yell when I get frustrated, frustrated that my kids won't listen, frustrated because I am being interrupted, frustrated because I don't seem to have enough time, those all seem normal enough.  So what can I do instead? Well that is what I have been thinking on this past month.

Frustration that my kids won't listen: I need to look at why they aren't listening. Are they hungry or tired? Am I asking them to do something they aren't capable of doing on their own? Or are they really trying to difficult? Many times with my kids it is that they are trying to be difficult, but they usually have their own reason. Sometimes talking to them about their reason is enough. Other times it isn't, but I can still get through it without yelling if I try.

Frustration that what I need want to work on is interrupted: Most of the time this is just plain selfishness on my part. I don't transition well, neither do my kids, and it can cause some uprisings. I just have to remember what I am doing can wait. Really, I am working on this, and made great improvements in the past few weeks although I don't feel nearly as productive.

Frustrated that I don't have enough time to do what (I think) I need to do: Who has enough time to complete what they think needs done?  From what I have seen, no one! My husband has been telling me for years that I need to prioritize, but my idea has always been everything that needs done first, followed by other people, and then taking care of myself. So I am working on changing priorities a bit, you may notice a bit more mess at my house or fewer blog posts, but in the long run it won't matter. I am also trying to include the kids in more things around here. They are getting to the point that they really can help, so I am going to try to take advantage of that.

I know this is all basic, and had you asked me before this if I knew this, I did. I knew it in my head, but not as much in my heart. This is a recurring theme for me in adult life. I know the right answers in my head, but it takes me a while to get a good grip on the same concept in my heart, and until it is in your heart, I don't think you can effectively act on it.

Of course, this will all take time, but I will strive to control my yelling (except of course in situations where someone is in danger). As I improve, I find myself feeling more love towards and from those around me!

One Word 2013 - Month 4

I actually thought a lot about my one word for the year, Love, this past month. Thinking about Love and what Love is, has made me notice something that about the way I treat those I love versus those I don't know as well.  A very well known passage in the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8a , states:

"Love is patient, love is kind, it does

not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,

it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes,

always perseveres.

Love never fails."

I think we would all like the love we show and receive to look like this, but too many times it doesn't. In fact I have found I am more likely to demonstrate this love to people I have just met or only know in a professional sense. After all there is no point in wasting my emotions on those I don't have a deep relationship with, or at least that is how I have always seen it. Most people never see my good or bad side, but just my neutral, polite side. 

When people get into deeper relationships they show more of themselves to the other person, both good and bad.  So why is it that it seems they only get the bad? Why do I treat people I barely know nicer then those I know well? I think it is a fairly common occurrence, but I don't think that is really how it should be. I realize we feel safer around those we love and those who love us. We don't have to be concerned (as much) with offending them because they will likely forgive us. But really they deserve to be treated just as well as those we meet in public or in a professional sense. We should actively try not to be offended and to give them the benefit of the doubt when they say something we could misunderstand.  Likewise, we should try not to offend them. We should always try to use common courtesy and not take them for granted. We should look for ways to improve their life rather then our own.

For me it is really just selfishness that leads me to act in any different way. Emotions are hard on me and dealing with people is generally exhausting. At home I really just want things to be the way I want, orderly and calm rather then chaotic. I want time to work on the things I want to do without interruption. I want others to recognize what I do more and appreciate me. I think these are all things we all need from time to time, but with three kids under 5, I shouldn't expect it as much as with older kids or before we had kids. I should be treating those I love the same way I would clients at work. I should always be meeting their needs first!

This is not an easy thing for me, and honestly since I started thinking about it, it has gotten harder. Way harder. But I took on this journey for a reason, to learn to love those around me, and I intend to keep trying because they are worth it!

The rest of the one Word Journey 2013:

One Word
Month 1
Month 2
Month 3

One Word 2013 - Month 3

As most of you know from my previous posts (Intro, Month 1, Month 2) my One Word for this year is Love. I an trying to spend time concentrating one the word and how to actually Love those around me. So far all I have been learning is that I have a great need to Love myself. I have never had much confidence in myself, so it isn't that surprising really. What is surprising (to me at least) is how long it is taking me to figure it out. I have learned that God indeed loves me, other people love me, and this month I have learned that who I am is okay.

I picked up the book The Way They Learn by Cynthia Tobias hoping to learn more about my kids and how to effectively teach them. Which I did learn.

I also learned a lot about myself, my personality, and why I am the way I am. It is always such a relief when I find someone who is so similar to me because most of the people I am around are vastly different. You start to wonder at times if you are normal!  I am so thankful I read this book because I found sections that perfectly described me and my behavior (even what my husband would consider crazy). Turns out all those things I always try to be because I can clearly see how wonderful they work for everyone else, are really not things I am capable of doing without a lot of stress. Well, I already have enough stress, so now I am letting myself be okay with how I do things. Of course I am still trying to find ways to make things better and easier just without the extra stress. (More to come when I post about my schedule....really it is coming.)

I guess I was farther from self acceptance then I had originally thought, and I still think it is going to take a long time to get it all figured out. But I seem to be on the right track to learning to love myself, and after that I figure showing love for others will come.

One Word 2013

I have never been into New Year's Resolutions, so I just don't make any.  A few weeks ago I saw a post from Melanie at Only a Breath on her one word for 2012.  She saw such improvement with her one word and was graciously offering to make free One Word Buttons for anyone who wanted one.  I started thinking about what word I could concentrate on all year.  What was one thing I wanted to work on.  I initially came to priorities as the perfectionist in me struggles to see what is really important every day.  Slow down (I know its two words) was an option along the same lines.  I thought and prayer about them each, but they didn't seem right.  I kept coming back to the word LOVE.

Matthew 22:37-39  "Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself."

The first part of this verse isn't the hard part for me.  I LOVE God and strive to follow him in what I do.  Of course there is always room for improvement, and I am always trying in that aspect. It is the second part that gets me. Sometimes people are so unlovable. I should know because I am too.  Sometimes it is hard for me to love me! That makes it even harder for me to show LOVE for other people even if I feel it.

So this year my one word is LOVE.  I want to constantly remember that although the people around me may annoy me, hurt me, or even upset me, I do love them.  Just remembering that can change my attitude. And changing my attitude can change my action.  This applies to the random people I meet as well as my kids and husband.  Probably more to my kids and husband as they tend to see the worst of me.  But even when I am upset I want them to know I LOVE them.  I also want to work on loving me.  This is a really hard one with my OCD tendencies.  I tend to measure my worth in accomplishments, and when things aren't done I look down on myself. This is definitely a problem with three kids because nothing is ever done!  I need to see my worth despite that and LOVE myself.

What is your word this year? If you haven't chosen one, I would urge you to join me and try concentrating on just one word. Then this time next year we can look back and see how far we have come.