I rang Jo and Nick last night. Jo wasn't in the mood to chat, so I just told her everything was ready at this end, and she passed me over to Nick.
'Hi, Nick, how are you doing?'
'Well enough. Gail's a great comfort to us.'
'I bet she is. Have you worked out what you're going to say tomorrow?'
'Kind of. I tried writing things down, but that didn't work. I'm just going to say what feels right at the time. Is that OK?'
'That's fine. It won't matter how short it is, or how long, within reason.'
'Don't worry, I'm not going to go on and on. I should think it'll be a couple of minutes, no more.'
'Okay. And my part is written, and the music is at the crematorium, so we're all set to go.'
'Yes, Paul collected the CDs from here this morning, he said he'd drop them up to Scopthorne. So I think that's everything.'
'I'll see you tomorrow, then,' I said, and we rang off.
It worries me when I don't know how long people will speak for. It can be hard to tell how time is passing when you're up in front of an audience at an emotionally charged occasion, and I've had a couple of bad experiences where people have gone on for longer than expected and I've had to gallop through the last part of the ceremony. But the script for Lottie's funeral is comparatively short, so it shouldn't be a problem today.
I think Lottie's script took longer than any other script I've ever done, because the circumstances are so different from any funeral I've ever conducted. I focused on these main points:
- The positive difference Lottie made to the lives of her family and their friends
- Lottie's naming: one of the threads that weaves her more closely into the fabric of her family
- The terrible double sadness of Lottie's own death and the resulting end of people's hopes for her life with them
- The opportunities available now for the people close to Lottie to support each other as they grieve
- The way the depth of people's grief for Lottie mirrors the extent of their love for her
- The fact that Lottie never had to know sadness like this
- My view that Lottie's life was not a wasted life, because she gave so much joy as well as sadness, and her life provided opportunities for us to learn about ourselves and each other in new ways
- And in conclusion: that 'although Lottie is no longer with us, she will always remain a part of your family or of your circle'.
So all I have to do now is manage my nerves, which are worse than usual. The ceremony is at midday, and I have no idea what else I am going to do today, before or after. Apart from one thing: I have a feeling this evening is going to include at least one large glass of wine.
I'll let you know how it goes.
8 comments:
Zinnia, I have every faith in you that you will do an excellent job. You have one of the hardest jobs in the world to do, one which I could not even conceive of doing myself and I hope that should I need the services of a funeral celebrant, I get one just like you. Best of luck for this afternoon. Sending a ((HUG))
Zinnia, the very fact that you care so much tells me that you will do a great job. Lottie's family will never forget you, and I'm sure will gain comfort from the help you have given them through all this. I have two healthy, happy children, and Lottie's story reminded me just how precious they both are. I also feel that Lottie's family made the right choice - for Lottie, for them and for Gail. I applaud the medical professionals that treated them with such respect at such an awful time for them. I'll be thinking of you today. {}
No doubt, you'll do fine. Though your nerves are certainly understandable. In such a difficult situation I think the points you've choosen to focus on are wonderful. They really honor her in a way that I believe the family will feel good about.
Big Hug.
Your planning as ever seems spot on so I'm sure you did a wonderful job of helping this family begin to heal.
Very sad. That's all I can say.
I wish all members of your profession put as much heart into their work as you so clearly do.
You'll be in my thoughts and prayers as you work through this challenging event.
Ohhh... dropped in here for a look and just about had a heart attack - my sister and brother-in-law are called Jo and Nick and their second daughter is Charlotte. They are currently in the UK. Obviously once I started reading properly I found it isn't them, but now I'm bawling for this family unknown to me and their tragedy. I'm sure that they have had a fitting farwell with your help. And how lovely that they have found someone who cares when they found you.
Cyber(((((hugs))))) for everyone
oh Zinnia, by heart broke reading that previous post. good luck with the funeral.
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